Spider Attack

Yesterday I was ecstatic to learn that I had an unexpected day to myself. Immediately I rose, showered and gathered my things in order to enjoy a splendid day out and about. Before leaving the house I stepped into the kitchen to wrap and store a bunt cake I had nibbled on the previous evening, when I noticed a small spider web on the ceiling in the corner of the room. I took a chair from the kitchen table and, stepping from it to the counter made my way past the sink towards the web. Unfortunately my dish rack was in the way, so I had to hold on to the windowsill over the sink with my left hand as I stretched with my right towards the web. Just about when I had reached the corner I felt my balance askew, and taking a quick step I found the weight of my body forcing my large and second toe deep into the toaster. With a shout I whipped the device around, feebly trying to use the edge of the counter to dislodge my digits from the device. In this process the switch somehow became activated.

Now, in a fit of urgency, I attempted to stand precariously on one foot while leaning over to fling the toaster from the other, but as I did so the windowpane I was leaning on gave way and I had to twist in mid air to avoid thumping my jugular on the shattered edge. That jerking motion, of course, jarred the sinks faucet lever which sent water directly into the toaster’s other toast-slice receptacle. The toaster’s 500 amps jerked my body in a backwards-arching motion, sending me clear through the window and hurtling through the warm summer air.

As I landed on the down-stairs neighbor’s patio furniture the sound frightened her cat, who became entangled in the toaster cord which had snapped off at the socket as I plummeted. The more it struggled to free itself the more it became entwined, and soon I found myself being clawed and bitten by the poor confused animal. While simultaneously extracting my mangled extremities from the patio furniture and attempting to pry Snickers from my face I noticed the neighbor stepping outside her door with a broom in one hand and the phone in the other.

The officer she summoned had very little trouble shackling me, as I had already turned face down to ward off the broom-handle blows to my midsection, and to tell you the truth I felt a rush of relief as he tossed me headfirst into the back of his squadcar. Snickers though, quite to my dismay, was hot on my heels, and the 185 pound German Police dog in the seat with me was fleet in allowing instinct to take precedence.

Handcuffed, I found my lap to be the venue for a life and death struggle between three species. Snouts, claws and teeth raged as the officer frantically attempted to open the door while the scene became invisible behind steamed windows. Before I passed into unconsciousness the car door was opened, and I noticed five other emergency vehicles attending the incident.

At the insistence of my neighbors I will be moving from my apartment shortly, but before I do so I will tell you this: As I tossed my head back to ingest my pain medication in the kitchen this morning I noticed that there are now two spider webs.

Word Rationing

She wakes and stands groggy eyed at her kitchen window drinking her morning cup of tea as the tabby purrs and rubs it's self against her bare leg. She leans down with a grunt in place of a greeting and scratches the kitty behind it's ear. She does not sing in the shower. She leaves the house before anyone else is up.
The woman will say "good morning" an average of twenty seven times before she reaches her office. Every one wants a piece of her. After she has repeated herself around forty five time she will only nod, smile if it is staff.
"What's going on with you?", is all she will venture when conversation a necessity. Then she will sit and listen and cock her head at the appropriate times to fake interest. Words are precious to her. She does not have enough anymore to share.
In meetings she does not venture her opinion. A yes or not will suffice. They think of her as hard and decise and it works to the woman's advantage.
Driving between facilities she does not scream at traffic or lip off to the radio. Strangers are not worth her voice.
They all vie for teachers attention. Notice me. Acknowledge me. Appreciate me.
She will only stare and continue on.
Then comes the message on the answering machine on her desk.
Love me.
Late at night as they sleep she whispers in her babies ears her reserve.
Then her words flow free.

Thoughts from the lake...

Eating fish three times a day has made me a genous.